“Begin with the end in mind.”
Stephen Covey, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”
tap tap tap tap tap tap tap
To this day, I can still hear the sound of my mother’s long fingernails tapping on the hollow door to my bedroom in the morning.
“Wakey, wakey, eggs, and bakey!” she’d say (parents are weird…now that I’m a parent, I’m weird too. I think it’s just an unspoken part of the process).
Ever the night owl, my teenage years were often spent staying up far too late. Mornings were not my favorite part of the day. All I wanted to do was stay in the warmth and comfort of my bed, away from the responsibilities and problems of the world, so I could exist in my own little bubble for a few more minutes.
It’s easy to feel this way. It’s easy to succumb to the warm comforts of your bed rather than face the cold, bright world. To allow your subconscious to take over, giving in to the temptations of the moment.
After all, what’s a few more minutes in bed right?
It becomes all too easy for this line of thinking to continue. Soon, we’ve gone through an entire day without ever “getting out of bed”.
Even if we manage to drag our sorry carcass into a perpendicular state, we drag ourselves through the motions of our day.
Never stopping to ask why. Never stopping to wonder how what we’re doing connects to our “big picture”. Possibly never even stopping to consider what that “big picture” really even looks like.
So how do we wake ourselves up?
By connecting with our motivations. Our real desires. The dreams, thoughts, ambitions, and crazy ideas that we might be embarrassed to talk about because we think they’re too big.
That’s what we need to connect with today. Right now. Before you spend even one more day wasted on autopilot.
“Ok, sounds super, Dylan. I’ll just pull this lever and ‘be motivated’!” *insert sarcastic eye roll*
Ok, I get that it’s not so simple. Sometimes these things are buried deep down as a result of social programming, feelings of inadequacy, past failures, and (on a baser level) fear.
We fail to connect with our motivations and the things that really matter to us because, if we do, then we are forced to be held accountable to them. They become real.
So the first thing we need to do is accept that to be true. We’re scared of asking the big questions. And that’s OK…
As long as we take action right now to address it.
Now we’ll ask one of the big questions.
Grab a notebook. Set a timer for 10 minutes (minimum – feel absolutely free to work longer).
Write about the things you want.
Everything. Anything. It doesn’t have to be “realistic” or “attainable” at this point – just stretch your imagination.
If you knew with 100% certainty that you would not fail, what would you try?
Your initial reaction might be to reject these ideas immediately. That’s OK – it’s just the base parts of your brain trying to protect you from all that potentially dangerous work (the monkey-mind hates work, especially work with no immediate gratification and it works a lot faster than the rational part of your mind…but that’s a subject for another post).
When you’re done, re-read it a little bit. Find the top few that resonate with you the most.
They should elicit an emotional reaction.
Maybe not a “cry like a hungry baby” sort of reaction, but…if you stay open to it, you’ll feel it.
Now that you have that limited set, it’s time for more questions.
Take your top desires and ask “why”?
Why do I want this thing?
What purpose does it serve me?
Ask at least three times for each desire until you get to something that relates back to identity. “I want this thing because it fulfills my desire to fulfill my role of X”.
For example, you know that being healthy is the right thing to do. You should (that word is an indicator – “should” according to whom? Why? For what purpose?) get healthy. “Should” means that you know you want to (or believe you want to), but you haven’t connected it to your “why” yet.
Yet, I’m sure you’re not really trying to get healthier because you’re super pumped about getting those HDL levels down. (Healthy cholesterol levels?! Heck yeah!)
So why, then?
“Because being healthier makes you look better naked (and makes your clothes fit better when you’re not naked). “
Ok, cool…so why is that important?
“Because looking better makes you more likely to attract a romantic partner.”
Alright, getting somewhere now…
“Because I have a life goal of being a father and having a family, and the first step in doing so (barring illegal activity that I do not condone) would be to find a willing romantic partner…which gets easier when I’m fit, looking good, and feeling awesome!”
There you go!
We’ve connected with an identity. Someone we want to be, not something we want to do. Something that makes us feel.
HDL levels = meh.
Looking awesome, feeling amazing, and turning heads in public because of your kick-ass new energy?
Pretty sure you can guess which one will motivate you more.
If you really can’t find a way to connect it…if you truly cannot find a “why” or an emotional, identity-based reason to do something, then it’s time to take a hard look at it and decide if it is something you want or a want that has been programmed into you by society.
The bottom line is: you usually know what you want to do. That part is easy, it’s those things you should be doing.
Most people don’t come to coaching seeking help with what they should do. They know that coming in. They can usually tell me their “shoulds” really quickly.
Sometimes, people come to me for “hows”. They know what they should do, they even have an idea of why they want to do it, they just need help with the how part. I can certainly help them, as this is the part that gets many people into the idea of coaching – helping other people learn how to do things.
The majority, however, need to address their why first. They’re coming because they know what they should do, and they might even know a little bit about how to do it. What they don’t they could easily figure out if they could consistently take action…
but that’s exactly where the failure happens.
Consistent, mindful action is impossible without being clear about your motivations for taking the action in the first place.
The monkey mind is easily bored (and fearful!) and needs to be reminded constantly that the banana is coming…if it just stays on track today (and that it will be fine in the meantime, honest).
“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.”
― Roy T. Bennett, “The Light in the Heart”
So what is your “why”?
What is the thing you want to do that will get you up in the morning with clarity, ready to accomplish everything you ever dreamed of?
It’s time to get out of bed. Throw those covers back and go!
If you want help with this exercise, then I would love to help you out. You can reach out to me via the Contact form below, on my Facebook page, or on my Coaching page at Superhuman Academy.
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